How To Impress A Girl – What Every Man Needs To Know About Women

There are many men, and probably quite a few women, better qualified than me to comment on how to impress a girl. Having said that I am pleased that buried within my own patchy, but reasonable dating track record, are some principles that I like to think stand true in the colourful world of dating. As with any principles there are always exceptions. When I was on a lads holiday in Camber Sands as a fresh faced seventeen year old, the only fit girl on the campsite chose to get off with me instead of my better looking, cleverer and taller friends. It was a one off event that confuses me to this day. These days I prefer to operate to some well-tested principles that at least maximise my chances with the vast majority of the female population.

1. Interests are not interesting

Unless your eyes first met across a scale model of Davros at a Doctor Who exhibition, you are probably best avoiding the subject of your own Dr. Who obsession until you have established what your date’s interests are. I can wax lyrically about the impact Gary Numan had on the whole future of music when he first exploded on the scene in 1979, for hours. It has proved remarkably unsuccessful as a source of attraction with women when I am dating (having said that my first proper date with my ex-wife of eight years was a Gary Numan convention – there are always exceptions people) Far safer to establish what her interests are first and direct the conversation towards those things first. These requires the diligent application of my second principle

2. Listening is the fastest route to underwear privileges

Evolution gifted you with two ears and one mouth for a reason. They are to be used in this proportion. Women love to talk about all sorts of shit about their day, the hairdresser, why their boss is a dick etc. Learn to embrace this and soak it up without feeling the need to offer suggestions or opinions. We all love to be listened to and if there is a better way to find out about your date and get her to feel attracted to you, I haven’t found it. Extra Warning – No matter how well you think you have mastered the art of pretending to listen whist internally re-living last nights football, you haven’t got even half good enough at it.

3. Tramp is not a good default look

‘The clothes maketh the man’ – I am certain that there are women out there who find tracksuit bottom clad, Neanderthal’s with all the spice, intellect and wit of a poached turnip highly attractive and desirable. In fact looking there seem to be population pockets in my two home counties of Hampshire and Essex, where natural selection has clearly favoured such a style, in both sexes. As I write this blog I am in Amalfi on the Italian coast and no matter what I wear I am repeatedly upstaged by simple and elegant Italian style. From observing them it seems simple, well fitting (this means that if, like me, you have some spare timber ‘slim fit’ is not your friend), avoidance of clashing colours, well groomed with a subtle use of fragrance.

4. Manners and kindness may not get you laid but the absence of them will ensure you don’t

My dad brought me up to hold doors open for ladies, be kind to all people I meet and (slightly more annoyingly) always pay the bill. This generosity of spirit seems to be positively received by most women I meet. Those who get upset about my good manners, displays of kindness to all humans and animals and habits of good breeding are either lefty, up their own butt, feminists, or those awful legging encased, foul mouthed, aggressive types who think I’m gay in any case. In either case this is a good screening procedure.

5. Desperate is not sexy

My dating fortunes changed the day I realised one simple fact. I don’t need to find someone else to be happy or to live a good life. It is only my thinking that tells me that. When I sit and eavesdrop on conversations (and recall some of my own awful early attempts to ‘impress ‘women) I am amazed how often men sit there reeling off all the reasons why they are such an amazing ‘once in a lifetime’ opportunity. They rush things along and are even onto the subject of sexual preferences before the first drink is dispensed with. My goal in dating these days it to make a connection and maybe a friend out of everyone I meet. If things go beyond that it’s a bonus but I am fine with it one way or the other.

So now you know what NOT to do, tell me what have you learnt on your journey through dating? Do you spend your time talking about Dr who or shutting the door in your dates face? Let me know more below – leave me a comment and share with your friends

By Dave Gammon